Awhile back an American naval vessel went dead in the water near Iran by some type of mechanical failure. Luckily, our friends the Iranians rescued our sailors. But they were so happy to see the sailors they forced them on to the deck on their knees with hands behind their heads. They distributed pictures to their citizens and the world as if boasting of capturing these American soldiers by their own military genius.

But when they returned the American soldiers to the U.S. They missed their American POWs very much. Faced by the loneliness of leadership and the pain of separation, they came up with the therapeutic idea of hiring Iranian B grade actors to dress up like these American sailors.

To keep a sense of realism to their ingenious work of cinematic art, the Iranian government put these actors onto a parade float and…well…paraded them through the streets of Iran. To top off these actors portrayal of the American soldiers they had ‘rescued’, they had the fake/faux soldiers assume the same position they had forced the Americans into, on their knees and hands behind their heads.

Iran, a country who fought an 8 year war with Iraq, ending in stalemate, so elated that they had their American sailors back, drove these actors through the streets to boast of their domination of the Americans to their people.

Do we dare tempt the Iranians into war, having been reminded of this incident? Say we send in an invading force of Marines: Iranians could potentially meet us with actors playing Marines on parade floats. Faced with the might of these Iranian actors, our Marines could be forced into retreat, perhaps even hit from behind by horrendously incompetent Shakespearian actors determined to portray a hacked version of Othello to prove English literature as inferior to their own, immediately altering the outcome of this theater of operations.

So the Iranian situation is filled with complications. But within each conflict lies a potential for opportunity. We have within the walless borders of our country a hoard of terrible American actors who threaten to leave the U.S. Every 4 years or so.

Send these Hollywood elite into Iran as the first wave of an American invasion? A tempting thought!

Donald Standeford

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